Going Home Blues

Im leaving in 21 hours for Manila.....For some reason, my excited spirit is dampened by a few things....

1. I have this bad rash on my face since this morning....(Why this time? Of all time!)

2. I have a fever right now...

3. Ive been so stressed at work lately. For the first time in all my holidays, my boss is giving me a difficult time just because of an extra day I asked.

4.Ive gained weight this week because of the many consecutive parties Ive attended.

5. I cant find my Ipod case..

6. An ex-bf is bugging me.

7. Friends in Manila are all complaining about the heat there right now.Im so worried that my migraine attacks will get worse.

8. I realized that Ive exceeded baggage allowance again. No one could drive me to the station so i'd have to bring all my bags to the airport and have to go up and down a lot of stairs for my train transfer.

9.I havent fully cleaned my house and given my present condition, I dont think I could manage to do it before i leave.

10. I cant find my checkbook.Shoot.


Ohhh......Ive been waiting for this trip since January. Please, God. Let this trip be good. Ive had some bad memories of my last trip in the Philippines. I want to replace those memories with good ones. I want to look forward to going home again.

Closing Cycles by Paulo Coelho

I love Paulo Coehlo! Ive read most of his books. This is one of his numerous articles that i love! Enjoy!


Closing Cycles by Paulo Coelho

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.
Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished. Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents' house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of sudden?
You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.
None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot for ever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back.
Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away. That is why it is so important (however painful it maybe!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home.
Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts and getting rid of certain memories also means taking some room for other memories to take their place.
Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.
Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the ideal moment. Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back.
Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person. Nothing is irreplaceable. A habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.
Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.

My Husband Wish List

I had a very nice conversation today with my bestfriend Joyce over the phone. We were talking about marriage and our husband wish lists. From last year till earlier this year, i was so eager to get married already. ALL my friends knew that. I guess I put too much pressure on myself since my "deadline" for getting married...my target date...is coming soon....4 more months.....And this made me very depressed earlier this year. I had a "just-in-case" guy for a long time. We watched the movie, My Bestfriend's wedding together a few years ago. After that, we talked that when Im 28, and he's 31, and we're both not in a relationship, then we'll just get married. After my last bf, I chose to be more careful and discerning before I enter another relationship. I guess I got so tired of all the games played. So, I enjoyed being single and dating every now and then for 3 years. Anyway, this year, I realized that although I thought the "Bestfriend's Wedding Guy" was a good husband material, I was wrong. I realized he wouldnt be a good husband....at least not for me.....So, the major cause of my depression was losing my "Just in Case". You see, I am an achiever. Ive achieved everything I have planned since i was young. I have planned my life too much.

By 21, I left home and was on my own and had a good,stable job.
By 22, I left the Philippines, and lived in a foreign country on my own.
By 23, I finished a course in a university in Japan and found a good job.
by 24, I became head teacher in my school and was very successful career-wise
by 25, I bought my own house
by 26, I bought a car and some properties for my family
by 27, Ive traveled to 27 countries in the world...all places ive listed in my diary 13 years ago

by 28.....I'll be married......

That's what made it depressing! I'll be 29 in 3.5 months' time and it seems I will not be able to accomplish that goal.

After a lot of therapy, counseling, million chats w friends, countless phone calls, tremendous shopping, lots and lots of prayers, and new friends who came into my life these past 2 months, I've gotten over my depression.

Last Sunday, at the Shimoyoneda Spring festival, my friends Gold,Ricky,Yuko and Kaori were talking about me in the room while I was taking a nap. They were talking about my "current lovelife".hahaha. And everyone....not just them...but EVERYONE...friends from all over the world are telling me the same thing.....DO NOT HURRY.TAKE IT SLOW. hahaha.



These are my friends talking about the things i will give up when i get married too soon...hahaha

I was in the same room and woke up from my nap...Couldnt help but laugh after hearing all their comments.haha.


Yes, yes. I know. This is very clear to me now. I will not hurry. I will not plan anymore. I will not set a date anymore(Yes, I planned my whole wedding already....a long time ago........ wedding date, wedding gown, motiff, entourage, songs,honeymoon,venue....everything.....Now the only problem is the GROOM.hahaha).

Most of my friends know that I am a control freak.....I am very driven and very stubborn. If I want something, i definitely need to get it. No Buts, No ifs. I WILL GET IT.....But It's different now. God is the driver and I am the passenger. Ive given him the pen to write my love story now. I am not writing anything anymore. It's up to HIM. If He wants me to get married, he'll pick him out for me.

I know Im entrusting everything to God now...but i still have my wish list. So that God wouldnt have a "difficult" time finding The One for me. Hahaha. it's a wish list. It's up to God to give it to me If he thinks this kind of man will help me grow and be the best person he wants me to be.

My Wish List for a Husband

1.Someone God-Fearing and Spiritual

2.Someone Funny and who i can talk with about anything under the sun 24/7.

3.Someone who will pamper me and "baby" me tremendously.

4.Someone who likes travelling.

5.Someone who shares my passion for some of the sports I like to do.

6.Someone who has a good,stable job who can provide for me and for our family.

7.Someone decent-looking.....not necessarily drop dead gorgeous...but preferably someone who has good genes so that our children will turn out cute! haha.

8.Someone strong-minded and who is a good leader. Im very independent and Ive a strong personality. He must be able to keep up with me.

9.Someone smart. Someone i can learn things from. Someone who can impress me intellectually.

10.Someone who isnt a workaholic. Who will make me and our family his priority after God.

Oh No. There is someone like this out there .....right? Hahaha.
Oh God. Please hurry. Hahaha. No, no. Take your time, God. But not too long.......please? Hahahaha.

Cheers everyone! Would love to know your wish lists!

The One That Got Away

This is a nice article sent to me by a friend a long time ago. :)



In your life, you'll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you
shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There's the
one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you lost your
virginity to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you're with...and the
one that got away.

Who is the one that got away? I guess it's that person with whom everything
was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong. There was
no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards
just didn't fall the right way, I suppose.

I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a longtime
partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually
argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do with
the matter of timing. It has to do with you being ready to settle down and
commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy
romance.

How often have you gone through it without even realizing it? When you're
not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn't matter whom you're
with, it just doesn't work. Small problems become big; inconsequentials
become deal breakers simply because you're not ready and it shows. It's not
that you and the person you're with are no good; it's just that it's not
yet right, and little things become the flashpoint of that fact.

Then one day you're ready. You really are. And when this happens you'll be
ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be the most perfect,
they might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your
life, but it'll work because you're ready. It'll work because it's the
right time and you'll make it work. And it'll make sense, it really will.

So that day comes when you're finally making sense of things, and you find
yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is
different, you finally understand who you are and what you want, and you've
become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you, there's no
telling when this day will come. Hopefully you're single but you could be
in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three kids, it
doesn't matter. All you know is that you've changed, and for some reason,
the one that got away, is the first person you think about.

You'll think about them because you'll wonder, "What if they were here
today?" You'll wonder, "What if we were together now, with me as I am and
not as I was?" That's what the one that got away is. The biggest "What if?"
you'll have in your life.

If you're married, you'll just have to accept the fact that the one that
got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairy tale-like you think your
marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully you're mature
enough to realize that you're already with the one you're with and this is
just another test of your commitment, one which will just strengthen your
marriage when you get past it. Sure, you'll think about him/her every so
often, but it's alright. It's never nice to live with a "might have been,"
but it happens.

Maybe the one that got away is the one who's already married. In which case
it's the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your memories of
that person will probably bring a nice little smile to your lips in the
future when you're old and gray and reminiscing.

But if neither of that is the case, then it's different. What do you do if
it's not yet too late? Simple...find him, find her. Because the very
existence of a "one that got away" means that you'll always wonder, what if
you got that one?

Ask him out to coffee, ask her out to a movie, it doesn't matter if you've
dropped in from out of nowhere. You'd be surprised, you just might be "the
one that got away" as well for the person who is your "the one that got
away."

You might drop in from out of nowhere and it won't make a difference. If
the timing is finally right, it'll all just fall into place somehow and you
know, I'm thinking, it would be a great feeling, in the end, to be able to say
to someone, "Hey you, you're the one that almost got away." Mark J. Macapagal

Happy Spring Festival

Yey, yey. Im so HAPPY today! My good Japanese friend, Kaori, invited me and my friends to their yearly Spring Festival event. This is my 3rd time to go to this event. Kaori's place is a great place for Cherry Blossom Leaves viewing....called hanami in japanese...
Her family prepares a lot of food and there's a lot of traditional Japanese events going on.

Here are some pictures from the Shimoyoneda Spring Festival last year...2007...






One of the main events is the ShiShi dance(or prayer maybe)...a kind of Japanese animal (3 men are running it). They usually run after CUTE(hahaha) girls and "bite " them. The girls run around the field to avoid being bitten. The previous year, and while drinking sake with my friends on the field, I was bitten. Unlike other girls, I didnt try to escape. i was quite drunk so I didnt have the energy to escape. hahaha.

After I was bitten, I was told by the old Japanese people around me that I'll be very lucky and happy the whole year. It's one of the "gifts" of being bitten by the Shishi.

True enough...my year was very good last year. i was very happy,lucky, and very blessed last year. Thanks to God, of course. And maybe, the Shishi bite helped too. hahaha.

This year, i was very excited to go to the festival. Mainly because It's the cherry blossoms season again and this might be my last Spring in Gifu. I was also excited because i know that Kaori's family was going to prepare delicious, expensive food again. AND, there's theSshishi bite again. Hahaha.

I was standing in the field when the ceremony started. A lot of old men were telling me to get out of the way....to hide...coz the ShiShi might chase me. I told them, It's fine. I want luck and happiness again! Hahaha. true enough, the shi shi bit me again! This time, they were quite aggressive. i fell on the ground, with a man on top of me! uh-oh. I was conscious because i was wearing a skirt.

Some pictures from the festival this year.


But things turned out to be okay. i have a sore bum now. but Im happy! The Shishi bit me. Contrary to what my Japanese Feng Shui says, and because I have faith in my God, I know this year will be a lucky and happy year for me again! Yey!

Freedom from That Little Black Dress

Okay...I have to justify some of my shopping spree this week... I have this nice little black dress that i bought 12 years ago from Sari Sari. I wore it 2 times the last time being 10 years ago.. That was when i was at my thinnest. (If youre reading this, Iris, it was the black dress I wore at your 18th debut party). I really loved that dress. A lot of people told me how good I looked in that dress.

Anyway, I brought that dress here in Japan. Every year for the past 7 years, i tried to fit it. Every year. And every year, i was disappointed. This year, i tried it on every month, since January. The last time I tried it was last month, February. it was then that i realized...."why do i have to force myself to fit into this dress?". I can easily buy another dress. Or 5 other nice dresses. or 10. This dress doesnt fit anymore. It had its time. It was fun when i had it. Its part in the story is over. I have to accept that. I have to let go.

That's why, I bought myself 4 nice dresses this week! So happy! Yey! Freedom from that little black dress! Yey!



Now, reread what i wrote above. And change dress into this man Ive loved for a long time. And the nice dresses I bought for the "new men" in my life now. Hahaha. Freedom! Intoxicatingly liberating! Yey!